Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
