Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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