He uses pillows to masturbate.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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