Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
