dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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