I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
