Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
