im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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