you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
