suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
