put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
