well you can't waste a boner
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
