the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
