Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
