i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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