(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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