her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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