Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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