i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
