He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
