Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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