some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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