i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
