"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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