I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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