You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
