I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
