I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
