I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
