So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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