On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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