You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
