He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
