Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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