So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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