It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
