how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
no more duck duck goose at the bar
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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