I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
