so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
