I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
