There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Congratulations! We have a period
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