Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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