Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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