problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
