i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
