So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
