guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
