haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I am available for nakedness
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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