i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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