some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
