Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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