I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
